Sometimes It's Too Hard to Say Goodbye
by RainbowCrystal
Summary: Maddie's leaving for college and a dejected Zack plans to stay in the suite moping instead of attending her farewell party. As usual, his plan backfires. Zaddie One-shot.


**Sometimes It's Too Hard to Say Goodbye**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. All I own is the plot :)

**Author's Note**: Well, I was trying to write chapter seven of my other fic but I somehow found myself watching The Suite Life (I'm a horrible procrastinator) and ended up getting inspired to write a story based on Zack and Maddie's relationship. This piece is the result of a random burst of inspiration and an evening's worth of writing, but I think I like how it turned out. Enjoy!

**&-&-&**

"Zack! What are you still doing in your pyjamas? We said we'd be down in the lobby in five minutes!"

I glance up from my position on the couch and give my mother an emotionless stare. "I'm not going."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Zack, you do realize that this is the last chance you're going to get to see Maddie, right?"

I nod, my eyes focused on the wall. "Mhmm."

"But you're not coming."

"Nope." _And there's nothing you can do about it._

"Right…"

"Mom! My cupcakes are done! Do you think she'll like them?" I don't even need to look up to know who just entered the room- the enthusiasm and the references to baking give him away immediately.

"Cody, talk some sense into your brother, would you? He thinks he's not coming down to see Maddie off."

I hear a thud and turn my head to see Cody standing with his mouth hanging wide open and a plate of cupcakes upside-down at his feet.

"_You're_ not coming?" he demands, completely ignoring the fact that his going away present is totally ruined.

"I don't feel like it." My voice is a monotone. "I think I'm getting sick."

He regards me incredulously. "Yeah, you _must_ be sick if you don't want to see her. _Really _sick."

"Look, boys, I've got to give Maddie a call and tell her we'll be a couple of minutes late. Cody, you stay here with your brother."

I hear her footsteps leaving the room, but my eyes are still glued to the patch of wall right next to the television.

"Sorry about your cupcakes." I mumble an apology to Cody without looking up.

"Oh, that's okay. I've got more in the kitchen," he replies. He pauses, and then sighs. "Zack, why aren't you coming? I know you're not really sick. Otherwise you'd be playing video games and getting mom to bring you ice cream every ten minutes."

His attempt at humour has no effect on me. I shrug. "I just don't feel like it," I say again.

"She's not leaving forever, you know. She's only going to college. She _will _come back to visit." He's hit the nail on the head, and he knows it. Stupid twin telepathy.

"No she's not," I snap. "She'll meet some college guy, and then they'll end up getting married and she'll forget all about us. I just know it."

"Zack, look at me. Come on."

I tear my eyes away from the wallpaper and reluctantly meet my brother's gaze. "What?"

"You _know _that's not going to happen. Maddie's not going to just forget about us. Anyway, she's only going to be a few hours away. And trust me, you're going to regret it if you don't say goodbye."

"Zack? Cody? We have to get going. Maddie's already running late and her taxi'll be here soon." Mom's back in the room and staring at me expectantly.

I shake my head. "I'm staying here. You two go on without me."

They both sigh in unison at my statement.

"Alright honey, but if you change your mind, we'll just be down in the lobby."

"I know, mom."

They're reluctant, but I finally hear the door close and their footsteps fading down the hallway. When they finally leave me in a deep pit of silence, I sink my head further into the pillow and let my brooding thoughts fill my mind.

I try to make myself believe my own lies. I tell myself I don't care what Maddie does. But I can't fool my own heart.

I heard what everyone thought when this all started- that it was just some silly twelve-year-old crush. That I'd get over it before I knew it. Well, I'm fifteen now and nothing has changed. She's the only girl I've everfelt this way about and I can't get her out of my head, no matter how hard I try. Every girl I meet is compared to her and not one of them has ever measured up- not by a long shot. And now she's leaving.

The three and a half years separating us mean nothing to me, but I know they mean everything to her. I've grown up so much these past years, but she still hasn't seen it. Last week she was shocked when she realized that I was taller than her. I outgrew her last year; I guess she didn't notice. She doesn't take me seriously. She never has. I'll always be a kid to her.

It's not fair. Why did I have to fall for someone who will never feel the same way about me?

I remember how I used to try so hard to win her over. To make her understand how I felt. I put my all into making her prom night perfect for her, even though she only had eyes for that senior the whole time. I was the only one who cared for her enough to go to her Sweet Sixteen instead of London's huge party. But it wasn't enough.

She never believed me when I told her I loved her.

I guess I understand. It must be hard to take someone three years younger than you seriously when they say something like that. But I wasn't lying.

I always thought she'd wait for me. I guess I was wrong.

She's going to college in New York now. It seems so far away, even though it's only a four-hour car trip. She's moving there permanently. I'll probably never see her again. But I don't care. I'm over caring.

Aren't I?

The realization hits me so forcefully that I sit bolt upright on the sofa, my mind reeling. I'll never have another chance to prove to her how I feel. If I don't do it now, I won't ever do it. I know I'll never be able to live with the regret.

My body goes numb when I look at the clock. I might be too late.

I spring off of the couch and yank open the door, skidding on the kitchen floor but miraculously managing to stay on my feet. It's a good thing that the hallway is completely deserted, because I'll definitely bowl someone over at the rate I'm traveling.

When I reach the elevators, I jam my finger into the button fifteen times, muttering _Come on, come on, come on_! under my breath. Ten seconds later, the doors still haven't opened. With an angry groan, I give up and race towards the staircase, where I trip and nearly tumble down two flights of concrete stairs. I take the steps three at a time and before I know it, I'm hurling myself against the lobby door and pushing it open.

There's a huge banner above the front doors that says "Good Luck, Maddie!" and just seeing it brings a lump to my throat. _Don't be stupid_. I chastise myself as I sprint towards the congregation of people huddled around the entrance.

"Where is she?" I gasp when I spot mom and Cody. They do nothing but stare at me strangely. "What?" I demand impatiently.

"Honey, I think you forgot to get changed…" Mom trails off and with a sinking feeling in my stomach, I glance down to find that I'm still wearing my pyjamas. And to make things worse, they're the Spiderman ones I got when I was eleven. The pants are so short that they reveal my ankles and a good five inches of my legs. Great. Way to prove to her that I'm not a kid anymore.

However, all the embarrassment is forgotten when I notice that people are starting to leave.

"Mom?" My voice has taken on a note of real panic. "Where's Maddie?"

"Oh, Zack." The pity in her gaze is almost unbearable. "You just missed her."

"What? No!" I yell, and before I know it, I'm barging through the front entrance, pyjamas and all, and scanning the street wildly for any sign of her.

I'm about to give up when I hear an incredulous and beautifully familiar voice say "Zack?"

My heart soars. "Maddie!" I spin around and see her hurrying toward me, long blonde tresses flying everywhere in the wind.

"Oversleep?" She queries, arching an eyebrow at my questionable choice of clothing. Okay, that is so _not _how I wanted this to start. I merely shake my head, unsure of where to begin.

She beats me to it anyway. "I didn't think you were going to come," she admits.

I glance up and catch her eye. "Neither did I."

There are a few minutes of silence, which is finally broken by her somewhat irate cab driver, who shouts at her to hurry up. She bites her lip.

"Look, Zack, I'm running really late and the taxi's about to leave without me so I guess we'll have to make this a quick goodbye. I wish it didn't have to be so rushed but-"

"I don't want to you leave." The words come pouring out before I even have time to think about what I'm saying. Maddie's eyes widen at my sudden outburst and her words seem to dry up in her mouth.

"Zack…" She trails off, a pleading look in her eyes. But I can't stop now that I've initiated this conversation.

"I love you, Maddie, and I know you think it's just some stupid childhood crush but it isn't. I… I can't stop loving you no matter how hard I try and I know you don't feel the same way or anything but I just… wanted to tell you before you left. And let you know that I really do mean it, whatever you and everyone else think." It's a rushed and improvised delivery, and my voice breaks on the last word. My worst fears are confirmed when I feel a small tear trickle down my cheek and realize that I'm crying. Slowly, breath held, I raise me head to see Maddie's reaction.

Her face is frozen in a painful expression and when she blinks, tears begin to fall.

I'm definitely not expecting what comes next.

She flings her arms around me and pulls me close to her in a tight, almost bone-crushing hug. I can't help but freeze up for a moment from utter shock, but soon I find myself returning the hug like there's no tomorrow, squeezing her as tight as I can. I don't care how much it hurts; I just want to be as near to her as possible. We stay like that for almost a whole minute, just holding each other close and feeling one another's breathing slowly return to normal.

When she pulls away, a draft of cold air fills the space between us and I can help but feel that I've lost a part of me.

Maddie looks me straight in the eyes and smiles despite the tears streaming down her face. "Zack," she begins, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "That is the sweetest thing any guy has ever said to me."

I have no words with which to respond so I look away, focusing instead on the busy street.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me, Zack," she admits. I turn my gaze back to her face, a little surprised at this revelation. "It's just… you're only fiftee-"

I interrupt her by letting out a frustrated groan. "I don't _care,_ Maddie! We're only three and a half years apart! Do you think that'll matter when we're older?"

She smiles sadly. "Maybe it won't be such a big deal when we're older, but it matters now."

I feel tears threatening again but I force them back, disgusted at my lack of control over my emotions.

Maddie seems to sense my disappointment, because she suddenly questions: "Hey Zack, remember the deal we made at my prom three years ago?"

How could I forget? She promised to dance with me at my prom if I danced with her at hers. I nod slowly.

She takes my hands in hers. "Well, that still stands. And I never break my promises." It's as if there's some sort of unspoken message in her words, which fills me up with hope. My spirits lift a little. However, the moment is ruined by the cab driver's irritated voice.

"You coming, or what? I don't have all day, lady," he calls through his rolled down window.

Maddie lets go of my hands. "Oh, right. I'm coming!" she calls back. She turns back to face me. "I'm sorry, Zack, but I really have to go now."

I nod in understanding, not trusting my voice enough to speak.

"I'll miss you so much," she tells me, and then envelopes me in another tight hug which is much too brief.

"I'll miss you too, Maddie," I reply softly.

As I watch her get into the cab and wave her off, I notice that her scent still lingers all around me and for a moment I just close my eyes and take it in.

I'm still standing there in the middle of the sidewalk even after the taxi is long gone. But I'm not upset anymore.

Her promise is what causes my lips to curve upwards into a smile, even as I stand aimlessly outside the hotel in my pyjamas and receive strange looks from passersby.

There's still hope for the future; I know it in my heart.

And for now, that's enough.

**&-&-&**

Like it? Hate it? Feel like ripping it up into tiny pieces and burning it? There's only one way to let me know… Please review! I'd love to know what you think! Constructive criticism is welcome.

-RainbowCrystal :)


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